By John Gay Burgess in 2003

Childhood:

John Green Gay was born in 1889 and lived to see a great many life changing advances and events. He described many of these to me just prior to his death in the early1970s. Local transportation advanced from the horse and buggy to the automobile. Distant transportation from trains to planes. Communication advanced from word of mouth and newspapers to phones and TVs. Lighting changed from oil lamps to electric lights. He saw two world wars, the atom bomb and a man walking on the moon.

He was born and raised in a rural farming area in North Carolina. He was the middle child of a family of nine. His Gay family line had lived in the same area for four generations, each with large families. Family, community and the church was their world.

He attended a one room school in the cross roads called Pleasant Grove. The school was actually moved from time to time to be closer to the students. Pleasant Grove had a Methodist Church and a mile east a Baptist Church. His family attended both but their membership was Baptist.

John and his brother Sam met a boy who had a speech impediment in which most words began with a "d" or "t". They mimicked this speech. John was able to stop but Sam could not. So for the remainder of his life Sam called John, Don and his name was Dam. Sam was always good-natured about this and in fact made fun of himself. As an adult he described problems convincing a traffic cop that he was sober. His speech did not prevent his serving in the military in Europe during World War II or supervising others as a civil servant.

John dropped out of school after the sixth grade. He could read, write and do arithmetic, which was all he needed to pursue a farming occupation.

He farmed, hunted, went to church and socialized. His family and his communities strong faith made clean living the norm. His only vice was smoking which was not viewed as unhealthy or a sin.

Marriage and Starting a Family:

Church and school were where girls were met. Through both, he met Lottie Leigh Parker. Lottie's mother died when she was 13. Her father Nathan Parker was very strict and very protective of his oldest daughter. He did not want Lottie to marry John, insisting that she was too young. In the 1910 census when Lottie was 15, her age was listed as 12. Later in 1910, Nathan took Lottie and her younger sister Foy to live with his brother in a distant town. John followed and on 31 Dec 1910 the 16-year-old Lottie and the 21-year-old John were married. Lottie had to list her age as 18 to marry without parental consent.

The young couple made their first home in the Pleasant Grove area. In 1912 John Howard was born. Tragically, the almost one-year-old boy was fatally burned from a hot cup of coffee. Lottie could not bear to remain in their first home so they moved to a small house on John's father's farm. In 1914 their first daughter Marion arrived, followed by Margaret and Elizabeth.

Moving to Chester and the Twenties:

John's father Green Frederick Gay died in 1917. John needed to make a move and decided to buy a farm outside of Chester Virginia. So on the 20 December 1919 John and Lottie moved into the historic home that was the Yellow House in the Civil War battle for Chester Station.

John discovered that it was difficult to support his family by farming. Cotton was the money crop in his North Carolina home, but Chester was too far north for cotton. He resorted to many methods to support his growing family. He grew vegetables, which he sold door to door in Chester and at the farmers market in Richmond. He was the night manager of a near by tourist court.

Their family continued to grow with the births of Sara Foy and Polly. This brought the family to five girls.

John and Lottie welcomed their family and friends to their new home. John's brother Alvin came and started a dairy herd, which he eventually sold to John.

Lottie's father Nathan came and built a barn. Nathan eventually bought a part of the farm and built a home that was eventually the home for his daughter Foy and her family. So John's elopement with Lottie was forgiven.

The house had a water tank in an upstairs bedroom. Water was either hand pumped or pumped using a belt and the rear wheels of a jacked-up auto. This enabled the house to have indoor plumbing.

Yellow House was initially lighted with oil lamps. When electricity came, exposed wires were placed on the walls and ceilings. Later the original plaster was replaced and the wiring hidden.

Others came, to live and eventually to establish a home in the Chester area. This included John's brother Sam who found work at Fort Lee. In later decades it included Gay Jones who was the son of John's older sister Fanny. Gay found work in tobacco plants and later car dealerships. Gay's friend Tom Patrick also came and was a successful salesman at Southern States and at auto dealerships. Everyone lived in the Yellow House until they were on his or her own.

John's struggle to support his family appeared to be at an end when a corporation came to buy the farm to build a cemetery. John would have a secure position supervising the cemetery.

Loss of Lottie and the Thirties:

Tragedy again struck when Lottie became fatally ill with TB. After a period in bed at home and then at a TB sanitarium in Charlottesville Lottie died 18 March 1930. She was the first person buried in the new Sunset Park Cemetery. John at age 41 was left with the responsibility for five daughters age 8 to 16.

John and the five girls carried on. The girls took on the house duties and many farm chores. John was industrious in the house, making meals and washing dishes. The girls had only to walk across a field to visit their Aunt Foy to get counseling on women issues. John's sisters and sisters in-law were often visitors and eager to help the girls.

There were always frequent visits to the North Carolina. Frequently one or more girls would spend a week or two with their Carolina cousins of which there were many. These trips were adventures in themselves beginning in a Model T Ford. Dirt roads, flat tires, and no heater required a half-day to cover the 70-miles.

The girls all went to school in Chester and all graduated from high school. Chester Baptist Church was a big part of the family's life. There was always Sunday school and Church (Worship) on Sunday mornings. There was Church on Sunday evenings and Prayer meeting each Wednesday evening. There was the Church Picnic and Business Meetings. There were the church clubs. John and the girls formed long lasting friendships with church members.

This was the decade of the depression and many business failures. The Cemetery was not immune despite providing a basic service that could not be postponed. The business of selling lots for future preparedness dried up. People just bought what they needed, when needed. The Cemetery settled its debt with John by giving back the farm except for the improved area. John became the entire staff. He had to learn to manage the books, account for all lot ownership, sell lots, open graves, provide graveside service facilities, maintain the grounds and keep the required equipment operational. John was on-call seven days a week for twelve-hour days. It was an ideal occupation for John because he was also close to home for his girls.

The cemetery was very fortunate to have a John Gay that could be counted on to manage the business. The cemetery users were fortunate to be dealing with someone who cared about people and from experience could empathize with their grief.

Unfortunately, TB also struck daughter Marion and the girl's Aunt Foy. After extended stays in the TB Sanitarium in Charlottesville they both recovered. Marion decided to remain in Charlottesville where she ran the office of a local physician. Marion frequently returned home to see her daddy and sisters.

John's cemetery work led to making friends with John Abe Burgess when John Abe lost his wife leaving him with four daughters and a son. John was able to console John Abe and provide him with guidance. This friendship led to John's daughter Margaret meeting John Abe's son Jack.

Marriage of Daughters and the Forties:

Margaret married Jack Burgess in 1937 and left home to follow Jack in his career with International Harvester. Elizabeth married Van Holt Barker in 1939 and left home to follow Van Holt in his career with VEPCO. Polly married Tucker Bennett in 1943 and left home to follow Tucker in his military service and later in his law practice in Arkansas. Sara Foy married Walter Eanes in 1944 and left home to live in various homes in Chester. The son-in-laws except for Walter were all officers in the US Army during World War II.

John could see that life would be different. He found a lady friend who he thought would help make a home at the Yellow House. His view was to have a home for his daughters and his extended family to return for visits. This did not work. His son-in-law Jack had an agricultural background and a BS in Agricultural Engineering. So John, Jack and Margaret worked out an arrangement in which Jack and Margaret will live in the Yellow House and farm the land with the understanding that John would be able to live in the Yellow House for the remainder of his life.

Many Grandchildren and the Fifties:

The married daughters all started families and eventually there were 14 grandchildren. His daughters always referred to John as Daddy. We grandchildren called him Granddaddy. There were many family gatherings at the Yellow House and John was often found with grandchildren in his lap.

The small grandchildren were treated to John making his body a playground. He would make his arms and hands into a swing and swing a child in between his legs. After a few swings the child would be swung up high and given a hug. His legs would become a sliding board, with his hands giving the child a slide down to the floor. His knees would become a horse and the child would get a bucking bronco ride with John holding their hands up high and wide to give them a secure ride.

Summers always had big family gatherings. Daughter Polly would bring her family from Arkansas for a week or two. The other sisters would also come, filling the Yellow House with 15 to 20 people. Normally a family reunion was scheduled on a Sunday. The Carolina relatives both of the Gay and Parker families would come to form a gathering of over a hundred. This was a great time for first, second and third cousins to form or renew friendships. John was the catalyst for bringing his generation together, which led to their descendant's participation. In-laws were always just as welcome as blood relatives.

John loved to do things for the kids. He made a hung sand pile in the back yard, which was the site of many cities and battles. It had enough dirt in the sand to make construction easy. The only downside was a really dirty bunch of kids at the end of the day.

He mowed and cleared a local general aviation airport. As part of the compensation he agreed to take an old plane, which had been severely damaged in a windstorm. The wings were removed and the two-side-by-side-seat plane was towed to the Yellow House for the kids use. It was flown in many imaginary flights. It was the base for a number of forts. Its' tail was placed up a tree and it became part of a tree house. It had a wagon connected to the rudder and kids took turns riding and pushing it up and down the driveway. It became a hit with schoolmates. No other kids had a real plane as a play toy. Mothers were concerned that the kids might push it off a cliff in hopes of going air bourn. They were also concerned that it would become an eye sore, so it was required to be kept in the back yard.

John took responsibility for the garden while Jack was responsible for the farm. John always had a big watermelon patch. When in season, every mid-morning and mid-afternoon, John announced that it was time to cut a melon. So the melon was cut into slices that were easy to eat by hand. The kids would end up with watermelon juice running down their bare tummies. There were seed spitting contest. The chickens were let out and had a treat picking up the seeds.

One summer two grandsons needed bicycles. So John loaded a trailer with watermelons and took the boys to the intersection of Route 1 and Route 10. The melons were priced from 10 cents to a dollar. The boys were left selling most of the day and almost emptied the trailer. The proceeds were not quite enough for the bikes but John made up the difference so the boys had their first brand new bicycles.

John loved to play board and card games. Most evenings he would organize a game. One of his favorite games was Parcheesi. He would play with three grand children. The children would roll their dice and he would tell them where to move. He was open to any new game. Someone introduced canasta, which became a big hit because it could be played by large teams. There were canasta games at Yellow House with as many as twelve players. Checkers, chess, bridge and setback were other favorites.

Another of John's pleasures was viewing action movies particularly westerns. On a Friday or Saturday night he would get one or more grandchildren and go to Petersburg to see a movie. Petersburg was chosen because it was the closest city. The movies were not listed in his Richmond newspaper and it was a long distance phone call. So John and the kids would drive past all four theaters and from the marquee, would pick a movie. Movies listing John Wayne or a known action star would hopefully be found. If not the one that appeared to be the best was chosen. Coming home without seeing a movie was not an option. There was no rating system so there were some real dogs seen.

John's bed became a secure and warm haven for children. One of his little granddaughters who lived in the Yellow House would always get up in the night and get in granddaddy's bed to sleep the remainder of the night. It was a secure place during storms. In those days the house did not have central heat so it was a warm spot in the winter.

During one period there were six children and three adults living in the Yellow House. So some children needed to share his bedroom. John's snoring and talking in his sleep were entertaining. He would call out for a child and when the child answered, John would wake up and say "oh never mind". On really cold nights he would cover the beds with rugs from the floor.

John continued to succeed as the superintendent of Sunset Park Cemetery. He purchased a government surplus building and had it moved to the cemetery near Yellow House. This was set-up as the Cemetery office. A doorbell was installed that would ring in the house. There was a wood stove so all cemetery business could be conducted year round.

The most physically challenging part of the cemetery job was grave digging. This was a pick and shovel task in those pre-back-hoe days. The cemetery land was very hard red clay, which required heavy use of a pick to loosen the dirt before removal. John employed African American men as needed to do this physically challenging work. There were several African American communities within walking distance of the cemetery. When he needed a grave dug he would visit these communities to find the required help. He paid well and never had a problem getting help. I believe there was mutual respect between John and his help. When his helpers needed money, they would come to see Mr. Gay. Eventually he retired from most physical tasks in the cemetery by employing a full time handy man.

Unfortunately, John's peers in the South had strong racial prejudices. A number of family dinner table conversations were held in which prejudices were spoken by his peers, but not by John.

John was very creative, although many of the creations were not totally successful. When it was hard to get gas during World War II, John acquired sheep and goats to graze the cemetery lawn. This worked fairly well, however complaints about the animals eating flowers left on graves caused this to be abandoned. There was a problem with grass growing through cracks in the cemetery driveway. John purchased a war surplus flamethrower. This got rid of the un-needed grass but also left a smut and destroyed adjacent lawn.

John smoked until he was told that he had to stop or it would kill him. So he just stopped. He did not drink, although he did keep a bottle of wine in his bedroom and would sip a little for "medicinal purposes". He did not use profanity.

Final Years in the Sixties and Seventies:

The Sixties began with the sad loss of daughter Marion to cancer in Feb 1962. This was the only time he was seen to cry.

In 1963 his first great grandchild was born, followed by many more. These children were treated to the same attentions as the grandchildren.

In 1963 his brother Sam died leaving his wife Estelle. They did not have children and Estelle needed a place to live. So John moved the cemetery office to the Yellow House yard. Plumbing was installed and Estelle was comfortable living in this little house for most of the remainder of her life. This was a good example of John's belief that families should take care for each other.

John spent much time during his later years with an elderly lady friend, Mrs. Mann. They went to church together and watched TV on Saturday nights.

John remained mentally sharp even into his 80s. Physically he had a blood circulation problem in his legs, which limited the amount of time he could stay on his feet. Eventually John's body wore out and he died of heart failure on 9 May 1973 in a Richmond VA hospital at age 84. His good friend Mrs Mann died within a few days of John. He had lived a good life, left a large family and many friends.

Writer's Comment:

John Green Gay was my Grandfather. As a son of Margaret and Jack, I grew up living in the Yellow House with my Grandfather. Since he worked out of the home we had lots of time together. Much of this Mini Biography is from personal experience. Other information came from his daughters.

Reader's Digest had a monthly piece in which someone described an ordinary person as a most unforgettable man or women. That was my Grandfather to me and I believe to many. I believe he liked everyone he met and nearly everyone liked him. It did not take long in his presence for people to see his warmth and love of people and life.